As I reflect on fifteen years with the first Men’s Table, I remember the seeds were sown from a short announcement Ben Hughes made at the BNI networking group I was part of.
Ben spoke about the loneliness of being a man, and suggested we start a group where we could meet regularly and share what was going on in our lives.
I caught up with Ben shortly afterwards to find out more about what he was trying to achieve. He told me the idea had come from his family’s involvement with the Quakers back in England. As I recall, those meetings were held mostly in silence, and when someone felt moved to speak, they were given the space to do so without interruption. I liked that idea a great deal, and I joined what I believe was the very first meeting, at a restaurant in Surry Hills.
Back then we were still finding our way. There were no rules to speak of, apart from Ben’s gentle guidance, and it was telling that, as men, we struggled to help ourselves, constantly interrupting each another.
We had yet to learn how to truly listen, and how to hold back from offering advice unless it was asked for.
Over the next few years we had our ups and downs, our joys and our tragedies. The death of a member’s son was one of the hardest, and moments like that drew us closer as we learned, as best we could, how to be there for one another.
Every so often there was what I used to call a “fist fight”; never physical, but heated all the same. I always remember that the very member who seemed to start those clashes was often the one who brought us back together. He had a gift for the right analogy, like the image of us being in a boat together in stormy seas, with no choice but to hold on for each other.
Personally, I got a great deal out of my involvement, and still do. The Table has helped me speak to the joys as well as the difficulties of raising a family and running a small business.
Like all of us, I’ve faced my share of health challenges as the years have gone on; including a bout of Bell’s palsy, from which I’m glad to say I’ve mostly recovered, and an inherited condition I’ve had to learn to live with.
Having a place to bring those things, and men who would simply listen, made a real difference.
Over time, as you’d expect, there was significant turnover in our original Table. One member moved to Tasmania, and two others followed.
We lost one member to death. Another moved to the NSW South Coast, another to northern New South Wales, and another to the Southern Highlands.
Today, David Pointon (who with Ben Hughes founded the Men’s Table Charity) and I are the only original members left. A few years ago I wrestled with the thought of resigning. But then we opened the Table up to new members, and over the last few years we’ve grown into a close group of men I’m proud to call my brothers.
What still amazes me is how far the idea has travelled. What began as a handful of us interrupting each other in a Surry Hills restaurant has grown under David Pointon’s leadership into 300 Tables across the country; thousands of men sitting down together to do the simple, difficult, vital thing we stumbled our way towards all those years ago: to show up, to listen, and to be there for one another.
I feel quietly proud to have been there at that very first Table, and grateful that the seeds Ben sowed have taken root in so many places.
~ Rick Polito
MT1 Sydney
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